Worst Spring Break Ever

Monday, March 26, 2007

There's no way to sugar coat this, I have had the worst spring break ever in my 6+ (don't even let me get started on that part) of college. What do most college students do on spring break? They RAGE... lot's of booze, and pills, and other illegal drugs. Well my spring break kind of went like that in the fact that I took a lot of pills, but sadly there was no booze, nor was there any raging going on as I was fucking bed ridden for three whole days. Let's start with Wednesday March 21. So I wake up from working on Tuesday, it was just going to be a day off for me nothing too big, you know watch some TV, scratch my balls, lie around shirtless until it was time to do something sorta important. I decide to go upstairs and get some breakfast, I notice I slept a little funny, but nothing too serious or so I thought... I make it exactly two steps up and I get the most searing, unbearable pain in my lower back that I've ever had in my life (it was a back spasm, if you've never had one let me try and put it into words, it's like someone grabs all of the muscles in your back, twists them in a knot and then decides to stab you with a knife repeatedly, until you can't stand it anymore then they do it again and again and again and so on...) I say to myself "whoah Troy that's probably not good, but it'll go away" So i sit down for a second, regroup and try and go upstairs again. This was a very bad idea. I immediatlely hit the ground, with this searing pain going through my lower back. It's paralyzing and I can't move anywhere or anything. I had to call my dad to come and help me. This isn't good for a couple of reasons, one it means i have to move which I can't, and secondly this means I'm going to be in hell for the next three days or so, not from the pain but from the "are you ok Troy?" that I'll constantly be getting, which I realize isn't bad but a minor annoyance. So I'm lying there in the most excruciating pain that I've ever been in on a hard no padded carpet basement floor. I should also note that by this time I've taken some serious pain medication that we happen to have handy. I can barely move and it's chilly in the basement so I naturally start shivering which doesn't really help with the pain in any manner. My dad calls my uncle to come and help lift me up or at least get me up off of the floor. I kd you not there was a twenty minute dileberation as whether to send me to the hospital, or get me in a chair, then I actually had to stand up. I don't know if anyone has ever strained a muscle anywhere on their body, but in general you can't use it very well or at all once it's happened. With a strained lower back, there's nothing to support yourself with because obviously the lower back takes the brunt of everything load bearing on your body. So I literally have to be dragged up by my uncle, and hold on to him for support. I walk with him over to the closest chair and sit down, with a little relief I sit in a chair for the better part of 7 hours So now it's time for me to get up, and try to get to a bed where I can get the most relief. Only there's one small problem, I can't get up out of the chair to support myself enough to walk three feet to my bed. My mom comes down to help me but she's not big enough to try to support me, (she's a tiny lady, and I am not tiny by any means, except in the pants... but that's a different story for a different time) I have to have my uncle come over and help me again, this time I've kind of been fucked up on pain killers all day, so by all accounts I should be okay to get up and try to move around. Wrong. When I try to get up I have such pain that I almost sat back down and ruined myself again, luckily my uncle pulled me up and all was kind of okay, except you know for the soul crushing pain in my lower back. I get to my bed and that's where I'd spend my next few days in total agony. Also, I forgot to mention that while I was couped up, I missed work which was bittersweet. Now I'll get a little mini running diary of what happened in the days that followed. Thursday: I can still barely move, luckily I can move my legs without my back feeling like it's going to spasm again, I still need support to get up, and still need to be walked around, I don't even look at the stairs to go up them. Lot's of muscle relaxers, lots of sleep, still lots of pain. Luckily the laptop we have plays DVDs. Blood Diamond is a good movie. Friday: Still in bed, I can get up and move around a little bit, but now the muscles in my lower back are tighter than a frog's asshole. More muscle relaxers, more sleep, more DVD's watched. Oh yeah, I decide it'd be a good idea to try and go up the same stairs that totally ruined me. Things went well except I got to watch the first live TV in two days and it was a heart breaking Nuggets loss. It's good for the morale though. I should also say that spending a whole day in bed is absolutley the most booooooooooring fucking thing in the world. Saturday: I can get up by myself, but my lower back is still tight, and I feel like if I make a sudden move, I could be headed right back to bed in total agonizing pain. Ooh big step, I go upstairs and sit down with my dad for a few hours. Still more pain pills, and sleep, but I can feel myself getting exponentially better, and soon I think I can start carrying things. Sunday: I fully can get up by myself, my back doesn't hurt so much as now I'm walking like I don't want my back to grab, which I can only describe as the most uncomfortable looking walk ever in the history of walks. Whatevs I still shufflle my feet like an old man while walking but I actually leave the house, in a SUV driven by someone else (my mom) and I get to walk around a little more, still conscious that at any moment I could go back to Wednesday. Less pain killers though, that's a good sign Monday: (Today) I feel well enough that I could probably go to school, but what the hell what's one more day. I go out with my dad, the back's still tight but I can walk like a normal human being, but I'm still conscious that I could go back to wednesay at a second's notice. So that concludes, what is my worst spring break ever. I'm not too sure what tomorrow will bring me (does anyone? god that is such hack writing but I don't care i'm stoned off of pain killers right now) I thought my trip to Mexico was the worst SB ever (If you ever want to know about that I'll gladly tell you, it was the most mentally taxing week of my life) but this fucking week takes the cake, hands down. I'll leave on a positive note though. I'm going to try to work tomorrow I hope there's no setbacks. God knows I've been through enough this week. I know that other people have worse problems than me, so a messed up back for a week isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things. All things considered I would never wish this on anyone, for one second because it was honestly the most helpless I've ever felt in my life, inherently anyone that says they have one iota of back pain will garner the greatest sympathy and empathy from me that they can recieve. I know that I never want to feel like this again, and I'm going to make sure that it never happens to me again as long as I live. Also the pain killers weren't too bad either. Thanks Dad

Another Show Almost Ruined

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I kid you not, I have the worst luck with people at shows I go to see. Either that or I seem to fixate on things that wouldn't normally bother people, but I think it's the first thing I mentioned. Story Time...

I go to Las Vegas this weekend, as usual it's a complete blast, I'm losing money like I should, and having a great time doing it. That was Friday also I got really drunk too again a great time.

So Satruday rolls around, and I'm going to see my first Vegas show ever, (it's kind of stupid I know, but fuck you I don't really care it's something I'd see if it rolled through Denver) I sleep all day due to a hang over, I should also mention that my parents have come Las Vegas to see the show... which is a big deal because my parents never travel. Literally they don't like going to Highlands Ranch let alone leave the state.

So showtime rolls around and I'm going to see the show with Beatles music and Cirque de Soliel. This is a brand new show and it was amazing, there was a total remix (not like a P Diddy remix either, they just generally made the songs clearer, more of a re-mastering if you will) now how could this possibly go bad? Right? Nice show in the Mirage Hotel and Casino, expensive tickets, nice seats, and then the show starts.

Lights off the music starts and lo and behold five minutes into the show, these two fat, aging, smelly, cultureless, hippies sit down.




My New Enemies

Now I'm willing to let it slide that they were five minutes late, they were probably stoned and forgot that the doors opened a half an hour before the show started. I'm willing to let slide that they didin't exactly dress up for a show that costs $150 dollars a ticket, at least they were clothed. Now here's where I draw the line, I've addressed this before, but these two motherfuckers would not stop talking through out the entire show.

It wouldn't have been so bad if it their conversation was sporadic, but literally after every song/acrobatic act this fucking stoned pachoulli smelling asshole kept yelling "WOW! that's amazing!" and while it was amazing it didn't require a running fucking comentary of the whole hour and half show. Thatnk god I didn't literally have to sit next to the two of them but my friend did and he was none too pleased, and voiced his displeasure repeatedly.

In the middle of the show I kid you not, there was an air conditioning blast, that happened to blow down wind from us, and the smell of pachoulli and B.O. was so strong that I literally almost vomited in my $7 beer. But I was determined to not let that destroy me experience.

After several, WOW's my friend starts getting fired up, and is audible enough for everyone in the row to hear, GOD DAMN Hippies, it was hilarious even though it didn't stop the two assholes next to him to stop, I know where this is headed if it keeps going on, and it's not going to be pleasant. Luckily enough though this incredible asshole stops because I think that people around him started giving looks like "Dude shut the fuck up, I paid a lot of money for this ticket and I don't want the fucking exeperience ruined by some burnt out, dumb, fucked up, stoned asshole like you becaus your hippie conclave of friends voted you to go to the show and sold off 2,000 hemp bracelets and 350 Tommy Chong Bongs to get you to Las Vegas" But I digress, enjoy the show if you can make it.

Dave Attell, Danny DeVito and Comedy Works

I kid you not, I have the worst luck with people at shows I go to see.  Either that or I seem to fixate on things that wouldn't normally bother people, but I think it's the first thing I mentioned.  Story Time...

I go to Las Vegas this weekend, as usual it's a complete blast, I'm losing money like I should, and having a great time doing it.  That was Friday also I got really drunk too again a great time. 

So Satruday rolls around, and I'm going to see my first Vegas show ever, (it's kind of stupid I know, but fuck you I don't really care it's something I'd see if it rolled through Denver)  I sleep all day due to a hang over, I should also mention that my parents have come Las Vegas to see the show... which is a big deal because my parents never travel.  Literally they don't like going to Highlands Ranch let alone leave the state. 

So showtime rolls around and I'm going to see the show with Beatles music and Cirque de Soliel.  This is a brand new show and it was amazing, there was a total remix (not like a P Diddy remix either, they just generally made the songs clearer, more of a re-mastering if you will) now how could this possibly go bad?  Right?  Nice show in the Mirage Hotel and Casino, expensive tickets, nice seats, and then the show starts.

Lights off the music starts and lo and behold five minutes into the show, these two fat, aging, smelly, cultureless, hippies sit down.



 
My New Enemies
Now I'm willing to let it slide that they were five minutes late, they were probably stoned and forgot that the doors opened a half an hour before the show started.  I'm willing to let slide that they didin't exactly dress up for a show that costs $150 dollars a ticket, at least they were clothed.  Now here's where I draw the line, I've addressed this before, but these two motherfuckers would not stop talking through out the entire show. 

It wouldn't have been so bad if it their conversation was sporadic, but literally after every song/acrobatic act this fucking stoned pachoulli smelling asshole kept yelling "WOW! that's amazing!"  and while it was amazing it didn't require a running fucking comentary of the whole hour and half show.  Thatnk god I didn't literally have to sit next to the two of them but my friend did and he was none too pleased, and voiced his displeasure repeatedly. 

In the middle of the show I kid you not, there was an air conditioning blast, that happened to blow down wind from us, and the smell of pachoulli and B.O. was so strong that I literally almost vomited in my $7 beer.  But I was determined to not let that destroy me experience. 

After several, WOW's my friend starts getting fired up, and is audible enough for everyone in the row to hear,  GOD DAMN Hippies, it was hilarious even though it didn't stop the two assholes next to him to stop, I know where this is headed if it keeps going on, and it's not going to be pleasant.  Luckily enough though this incredible asshole stops because I think that people around him started giving looks like "Dude shut the fuck up, I paid a lot of money for this ticket and I don't want the fucking exeperience ruined by some burnt out, dumb, fucked up, stoned asshole like you becaus your hippie conclave of friends voted you to go to the show and sold off 2,000 hemp bracelets and 350 Tommy Chong Bongs to get you to Las Vegas"  But I digress, enjoy the show if you can make it. 

Hello...

I'll be adding some other blog posts from my MySpace (redundant?) and hopefully I'll do some original stuff as well but you know, who actually has time to "blog" anymore?